i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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