nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize