In America we eat man semen.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
