hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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