1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
