i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The best revenge is premature balding
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
