Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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