can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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