On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize