remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
