So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
