i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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