I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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