Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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