Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize