Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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