anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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