finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
