Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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