Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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