I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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