When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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