I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
