No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
