i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
