I hate your face
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
