My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
