"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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