Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize