Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
