It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize