You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
