Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
