so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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