Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
