sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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