That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
