so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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