it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
