i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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