I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
