well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
