I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
