My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
