no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
