Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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