Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize