so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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