i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
