last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
