Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
