It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My bed smells like the plague
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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