they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
