All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
