If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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