I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
