I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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