i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
