Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
