Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
