I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
