isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
