Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
