I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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