So drunk its hurt
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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