For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
