and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
