It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
