How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
