Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
