Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
