I wish my penis had an off switch
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
