wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
not ubering you a puppy
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
