No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
