I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sext me about skeletons
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
