i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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