I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize