I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
