so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize