WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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