its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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