is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
