I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
