a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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