i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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