Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize