god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
