Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
