You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
