I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
