ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
