Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
