my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
