he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
