so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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