She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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