I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
