moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
