if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
