So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
