hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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