Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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